He asked me if I "almost moaned"
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
