Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
