So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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