I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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