Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
