I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I supernannyed him into submission
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize