a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Someone shattered a urinal.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
