he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
