also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
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