I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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