honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
