Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
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