My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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