i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
