And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
