Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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