it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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