i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
