A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
