the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
