What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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