After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize