FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
