Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
