quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
