Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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