I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
