Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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