Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
