It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
