Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize