the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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