Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize