She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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