I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize