Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
