be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize