I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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