Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
