i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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