im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
