I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
