I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
