we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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