i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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