I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
