For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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