I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Randomize