i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
