The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
