Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
