Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
