I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize