i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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