thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Well I just put wine in my tea
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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