There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
