508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
