Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
not ubering you a puppy
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize