Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
