After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
We are two peas in an std pod
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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