sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
