The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
