I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize