I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
