I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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