Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
