god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
