i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
