I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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