the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Liz is crying about burritos again.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
