I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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