i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
