All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
