did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
No subtext here. People are naked.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
