I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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