garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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