Nicole vs. Life
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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