Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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